I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
