I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you still have your period?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
