we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
