i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
