you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
