just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
