and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i think my cat just said my name.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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