dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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