bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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