I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
