There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have already put on my inside pants.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
