I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
