Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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