So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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