Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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