East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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