the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
