The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
how does that bad decision feel?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
