yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
