We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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