i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
