Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize