she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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