I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
