can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
