did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
