We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
