my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
