my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize