it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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