she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
