If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
