I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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