My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
