we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
