That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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