Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
