oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
