Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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