So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
