He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
