so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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