Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
