Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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