pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
