remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
