i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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