They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
