I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Randomize
