i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
