What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
