I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Fuck appropriateness.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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