Plan B is the new Plan A
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
