Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
