we have pet lesbian snakes
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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