I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
