weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
