You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
