Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
