okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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