you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
