Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
