Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
