Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
