Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
