dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
