i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Houston, we have a blender
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
