You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
