Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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