I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
