i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize