OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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