When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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