You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
