people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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