Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
