The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
