i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
