We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
