Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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