I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
