I wish I only lived at night.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I need moral support for this bender
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
whose parrot is this?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
