Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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