Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize