If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
