He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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