So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
