The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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