Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
