The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
