my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize