i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
