What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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