If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
