I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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