cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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