It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize