I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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