I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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