she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
