you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
