Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
