Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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