Are we in a gay sports bar?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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