Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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