I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
