If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
