Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
