Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize