I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
