I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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