I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize