I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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