Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
