just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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