The maid of honor just puked.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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