At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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