What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
